“How do you KNOW he is a Liberal?”

“How do you KNOW he is a liberal?”

One simple measure of being “liberal” is whether or not a person is willing to try new things, on the promise of better results, even if the old way is a time honored tradition held dear by the entire community.  In that regard, I qualify.

At 18 I experienced “roundabouts” in Ireland and knew they were a great traffic management tool.  It only tooroundaboutk 30 years to see them widely adopted in the US.  I still encounter people angry about them and wishing for a time when America was great because we used four-way stops the way God and the Framers of the Constitution intended!

At age 43 I read about “Ian’s Knot,” a faster/better way to tie one’s shoes, and I resolved to adopt that method.  After a bout an hour it was easy, and now it is second nature.  I dropped 38 years of hallowed “tradition” for a better way.  Easier, faster, consistent and the knot holds better.

Now, at age 49, I’ve seen the light of bidet.

The Luxe Neo 120, non-electric bidet.

We in the US never question the practice of dragging former-tree pulp through our butt-cracks to smear away the unmentionable residue of a good meal.  I resisted when my son bought one for himself, from his paltry earnings as a fast food worker.  I say this not to diminish the hard earned wages of fast food workers, but to demonstrate how important this was to him!

He argued, “Dad, if you got poop smeared on your arm, would you think it sufficient to wipe it away with paper?  Put that way?  Point. Set.  Match.

Even at its best, do you really want to carry with you, into every subsequent interaction in a day, whatever Jackson Pollock-esque smear toilet paper leaves behind ?  And admit it:  it’s not always “best case scenario.”  How many times have you poked a finger through the paper, or run into an unexpectedly far flung fece while pawing through your trench?The time honored TP wipe is not a great sanitary practice, if you have a choice, a little spare cash, and minimal plumbing skills.

So I tried my son’s bidet.

OOhhh!!  La la!  A refreshing, scouring blast of cold water to the anus not only cleans better than paper, it clears your mind.  It prepares you to face anything else that could come at you in the day!  I still use a bit of TP, to pat myself dry, but I’ll never go back to the days of dirtying my hands in the hinterlands.

Courtesy Monty Python's Holy Grail.

Courtesy Monty Python’s Holy Grail.

And that is how you know I am a liberal.

“Tell me again how a sheep’s bladder may be employed to predict earthquakes.”