The Facebook Address

By R.A. Schneider; hat tip to Abe Lincoln.

Twelve score and one year ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal, being careful to note that women aren’t men, and slaves aren’t human. What a bunch of hooey. <sotto voce> (“I still can’t believe we let Jefferson replace “property” with “pursuit of happiness!”)

One-score and sixteen years ago, our patron saint Ronny declared their experiment dead. “Government is not the solution to our problems.  Government IS the problem.”

Since that day in 1981, we have remained locked in a great civil war, slowly proving that this nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can not long endure the persistent onslaught — of detractors denying that good government has value and purpose; of lobbyists advocating the belief that government’s biggest sin is stopping rich men from doing whatever they want with their money; of suckers continually falling for  “trickle-down” economics’ promise that tax cuts for the very wealthy will create jobs and prosperity. (“Psst! Guys, can you believe they go for it EVERY time?”).

Now, we are met on a great battle-field of that war, Facebook. We have come to troll and defecate on any portion of that field upon which Libtards disagree with our premises. This shall be the final resting place for those who harbor any hope that a trans-national oligarchy might protect and value a country’s citizens ahead of capital. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this — because we have the money to do so, QED.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot defecate on —we cannot confiscate—we cannot hollow—this ground any more than our slavering minions have already done. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here — to argue and vote against their own economic interests in the belief that we’d ever let them on the life raft with us — they have already destroyed it, far above our poor power to add or distract. The world will little note, nor long remember what they said here, in our defense, as they cast their eyes to our table in sycophantic hope, in fevered recurring dream, that if they cannot join us we might at least brush crumbs to them — but Facebook will dredge it up annually on their Timeline Memories.  Those who can still afford uncensored internet may be reminded of their folly. Facebook will never forget what they did here.

It is for us the living … (ahem) the extraordinarily wealthy rather… to be dedicated to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced: that this Nation be damned — and that government of the money, by the money, and for the money shall not perish from the earth.


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