Devil’s Dictionary 2017

As it stands, through mid-December, 2017

Bible: A word with one too many lower case b’s in it.

Chronic depression: sad infinitum.

Dramamine: A remedy for sickness caused by turbulence.
Drama Mine: An inexhaustible source of emotional turbulence. See “Family Thanksgiving.”

Epiphanish: A slightly illuminating event. Less enlightening than an epiphany.

Eyesite: an optometrist’s Internet presence.

Mendicant: Over-the-counter, DIY epesiotomy repair kit.

Oligarchy: a political and economic system constantly seeking the razor’s edge balance between “maximizing profit at the price of human misery” and “increased guillotine production.”

Prickocious: showing inclination toward being a total dick, from a very early age.

Refrain: the part of a song you probably SHOULDN’t sing repeatedly.

Schizofrenulum: A diagnosis, for a penis that sometimes looks circumcised, other times not.

Selficionado: A connoisseur of the finest selfishness.

Self-o-facing: synonym for masturbater.

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